Jaipur
Hotel rainbow
room no. 103
25 dec 2012
Its christmas!!!
i know i'm not a christian n its not my festival too...but i have some desires...n i need a santa who can give back my life to me.....for last 3-4 years my life is in limbo....i have no idea what i'm doing, why m doing....what i want, i don't want...i never thought i would reach at this level.....something has gone wrong...can't figure out what...may be i know but don't have courage to accept it...because its my life...always lived the i wanted to live...so there should be no regrets.... May be its the loneliness....i always say that i like being alone...but the truth is i always look out for company....i feel really happy when somebody calls me or send me a good night message....i have friends and even have girlfriend....though nobody consider her as my gf as she lives thousands of kilometers away from me...but she is my only hope...she loves me...and it feels good when i do something for her....but the sad part is... she lives very far away....which means she cant take away my loneliness...she cant go on a walk with me...i cant hold her hand...i cant sleep on her lap....hmmmmm....may be i'm asking too much....or may today m very lonely...:) well, it happens sometimes....mmm...the thing is...i still miss her....the one who i think is responsible for all this....but in reality i'm responsible for everything...i cant put the blame of my life on others...ya, she is other person...always was...it was me who always believed she was mine....that was one big mistake....now i have become 'matured'...cant commit that mistake again...always keep this thing in mind that nobody...NOBODY...can be yours...everyone lives their life...at different times with different people....i know its sad...but once u accept the truth...life becomes easy.
I'm still in the phase of accepting this truth)
par kuch hai...jo mujhe use bhoolne nai deta.....she was not only a girlfriend...the best time i had with her was before becoming her boyfriend...when there was no name of our relation....it was like a universe....so vast...with no dimensions....she was the best friend with whom i can share anything....she was best co-artist with whom my best emotions comes out on stage..... best lover whose kiss makes me forget the world....she was also a mother who i can show all my tantrums n sleep in her lap....she actually filled that void i felt for 7 years after i went away from my mother to study in military school.
khair, m writing all that here...because i can't tell this to anyone....our common friends and my friends don't even want to listen her name from my mouth.....they are more angry on her than me....its so funny)))
in sab baaton ka aaj ki date mein koi matlab nai hai...ho sakta hai main khud 2 din baad ise delete kar dun....
21:22 pm
Hotel rainbow
room no. 103
25 dec 2012
Its christmas!!!
i know i'm not a christian n its not my festival too...but i have some desires...n i need a santa who can give back my life to me.....for last 3-4 years my life is in limbo....i have no idea what i'm doing, why m doing....what i want, i don't want...i never thought i would reach at this level.....something has gone wrong...can't figure out what...may be i know but don't have courage to accept it...because its my life...always lived the i wanted to live...so there should be no regrets.... May be its the loneliness....i always say that i like being alone...but the truth is i always look out for company....i feel really happy when somebody calls me or send me a good night message....i have friends and even have girlfriend....though nobody consider her as my gf as she lives thousands of kilometers away from me...but she is my only hope...she loves me...and it feels good when i do something for her....but the sad part is... she lives very far away....which means she cant take away my loneliness...she cant go on a walk with me...i cant hold her hand...i cant sleep on her lap....hmmmmm....may be i'm asking too much....or may today m very lonely...:) well, it happens sometimes....mmm...the thing is...i still miss her....the one who i think is responsible for all this....but in reality i'm responsible for everything...i cant put the blame of my life on others...ya, she is other person...always was...it was me who always believed she was mine....that was one big mistake....now i have become 'matured'...cant commit that mistake again...always keep this thing in mind that nobody...NOBODY...can be yours...everyone lives their life...at different times with different people....i know its sad...but once u accept the truth...life becomes easy.
I'm still in the phase of accepting this truth)
par kuch hai...jo mujhe use bhoolne nai deta.....she was not only a girlfriend...the best time i had with her was before becoming her boyfriend...when there was no name of our relation....it was like a universe....so vast...with no dimensions....she was the best friend with whom i can share anything....she was best co-artist with whom my best emotions comes out on stage..... best lover whose kiss makes me forget the world....she was also a mother who i can show all my tantrums n sleep in her lap....she actually filled that void i felt for 7 years after i went away from my mother to study in military school.
khair, m writing all that here...because i can't tell this to anyone....our common friends and my friends don't even want to listen her name from my mouth.....they are more angry on her than me....its so funny)))
in sab baaton ka aaj ki date mein koi matlab nai hai...ho sakta hai main khud 2 din baad ise delete kar dun....
21:22 pm
