I hate writing...actually i don't know the art of writing...never been taught...my schooling was so bad that i still regret that phase of my life...it was not a school..it was hell....literally. I spent six precious years of my life there...and out of those six...four were complete hell....everyday single was a nightmare....almost everyday i was beaten by people who were strangers to me...they were my seniors...it all started in year 1995...28 June 1995...at that moment i was thinking that i am the luckiest boy on earth...because i had beaten thousands of students to get a place in that school...my rank was 52 and my school no. 1952...it was not just a number..it became my identity for next six years...well one more thing..at the moment I was admitted in that school I was 10 years 10 month 28 days old....it also means I lived in my home with my family for just 10 years 10 months and 28 days since the time of my birth...at that moment i didn't realize that...but now when i think of that...i feel really sad....i spent very less time at my home..after that I became a guest for forever. Whenever i go home..i am treated at guest.
The very first night at school was the toughest one...lots of boys were crying...i was not good at it..i can't cry in front of anyone....but i cried when everyone slept...and from that moment started the crying business for next four years...I still remember first time my parents came to meet me...first i tried to show that m so happy here..but when they start leaving...four people were dragging me to school to take me away from them....Hmmmmm.....it was the worst time of life...i don't want to remember it...sometimes i see in dreams that again i've reached to school...and get so scared....its still my worst nightmare. But in between all those bad moments there were some good ones too....the best thing that i got from that school is the yearly school trips and the friends...my closest friends are still from the school...we are like brothers...)))
Well...anyway...that's not what i intended to write....actually my mind is kind of empty now..or you can say i don't want to think about anything...now my life is going through a phase which is hard to classify as bad or worst...because i don't know what else is there in store for me....time always surprises me with the most unthinkable situations....
After many years...almost after 20 years...i'm living at my home..not as a guest...but as a elder most male member of the family...of course i don't feel myself fit for that position...but there's no choice. My father left that place for me...for 28 years he gave me complete freedom...never gave any responsibility to me...may be he knew one day it'll automatically come on my shoulders...may be that's why he use to come in my dreams every night 10 days before his death...but i couldn't understand that....though i was wondering why i see my father every night in my dreams...i even shared that with a friend....well...its all over now...:(
There's no desire left in me. Its not that i'm depressed or sad or anything like that....m just too bored from everything...i don't want to complicate my life any further by doing anything new....i've seen and experienced everything that is required to know the true nature of life. The saddest part is...there is no love in this world.
The very first night at school was the toughest one...lots of boys were crying...i was not good at it..i can't cry in front of anyone....but i cried when everyone slept...and from that moment started the crying business for next four years...I still remember first time my parents came to meet me...first i tried to show that m so happy here..but when they start leaving...four people were dragging me to school to take me away from them....Hmmmmm.....it was the worst time of life...i don't want to remember it...sometimes i see in dreams that again i've reached to school...and get so scared....its still my worst nightmare. But in between all those bad moments there were some good ones too....the best thing that i got from that school is the yearly school trips and the friends...my closest friends are still from the school...we are like brothers...)))
Well...anyway...that's not what i intended to write....actually my mind is kind of empty now..or you can say i don't want to think about anything...now my life is going through a phase which is hard to classify as bad or worst...because i don't know what else is there in store for me....time always surprises me with the most unthinkable situations....
After many years...almost after 20 years...i'm living at my home..not as a guest...but as a elder most male member of the family...of course i don't feel myself fit for that position...but there's no choice. My father left that place for me...for 28 years he gave me complete freedom...never gave any responsibility to me...may be he knew one day it'll automatically come on my shoulders...may be that's why he use to come in my dreams every night 10 days before his death...but i couldn't understand that....though i was wondering why i see my father every night in my dreams...i even shared that with a friend....well...its all over now...:(
There's no desire left in me. Its not that i'm depressed or sad or anything like that....m just too bored from everything...i don't want to complicate my life any further by doing anything new....i've seen and experienced everything that is required to know the true nature of life. The saddest part is...there is no love in this world.
